 I’m here at the Medicaid Office. There is no coffee stand. No wine bar. No host. Well, there is a greeter of sorts but their job seems to consist of quite a bit of shouting, ordering people about, and copious amounts of stink eye. The customer experience is lacking a little something in the ambiance department. If they were aiming for a third world vibe, they’re killing it.
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 I saw a screening of Apollo 11: A Cinematic Event 50 Years in the Making.(Sequel to Apollo 10? Prequel to Apollo 13?) Here are my takeaways.
Wow! So. Much. SCIENCE! Even more MATH! (And nobody forgot to carry the one.)  Having a favorite pair of boots means I wear them all the time and it shows: skuff marks gah-lore. Sure I wipe them down and run a drug store shoe shine sponge over them but my puppies needed so much more.
I remembered seeing a shoe shine stand in Penn Station and made plans to stop in on my next train trip. As I walked in I was suddenly very aware that the place was full of men. Only men. The customers, the employees… All. Men. It gave me pause.  I’m confused. We live in a bully-boy, mean-girl society. Name calling is what we do now. Right?
Ad hominem attacks are all the rage. Literally. Crooked Hillary. Little Rocket Man. Apes. The N-word. Now, the C-word. It’s clear that the adults may have gone to college, but, when it comes to the basics of decorum, respect, and class, they’ve failed kindergarten. Sad.  I really did not want to comment on the story about the young wrestler who was given the so-called choice to cut his dreadlocks or forfeit his match; but how can I not? Watching becky wield those scissors in the video was horrifying.
 I am a woman with a particular set of skills. Home repair is not one of them. I’m less Home Depot and more DSW. I know this kind of talk won’t earn me a spot on anyone’s zombie apocalypse team, but there it is.
 As I was sitting at My Father’s hospital bedside the other day he said, “We were talking earlier about how to find a good man…”
Um, no we weren’t. But what he said to me next was strangely on point. He said,  One of my New Year’s resolutions was to go to the theatre at least once a month. There’s no easier place to fulfill that plan than New York City. I enjoy watching actors tell a story on-stage live, in real time. It moves me.
 There’s a woman in my Zumba class who is always off beat. If we go left she goes right. If we go right, she goes left. Consistently. It’s like the signals from her brain are taking the scenic route to her limbs. We’re moving through air and she is struggling through Kryptonite.
Or maybe gravity is different on her home planet.  There’s a woman in my Zumba class who is always off beat. If we go left she goes right. If we go right, she goes left. Consistently. It’s like the signals from her brain are taking the scenic route to her limbs. We’re moving through air and she is struggling through Kryptonite. Or maybe gravity is different on her home planet.
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AuthorLeighann Lord is a veteran stand-up comedian, author, and podcaster. Archives
July 2022
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