My Seven Takeaways From Seeing “The Last Jedi”

1. Ok, not specific to The Last Jedi but to the franchise at large: How much does it cost in dry cleaning to keep those Storm Trooper uniforms so pristine? I mean, not even a coffee stain? Are they using Clorox? Are the uniforms made from a repellent material, or is this the true power of the Dark Side?​​
2. In Luke’s defense, what parent has not seen the power of the Dark Side growing in their teenager? Had their last good nerve worked to the point of considering a laying-on of hands or of light saber? Their innocent cuteness while sleeping is indeed what saves them. (I’m confident that had I not been such a sound sleeper the Force within me might have awakened one night to see one or both of my Jedi Parents standing over me with a pillow, for want of a light saber.)
3. Seriously though, what is young Professor Snape’s problem? I mean, Kylo Ren. That neither of his parents gave him a last name? Or that adult onset acne skips a generation? WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE, SIR?
4. One of my favorite moments in the movie is when Luke sees R2D2 for the first time in forever. He says, “R2!” like he was a kid again. Ah, if only. And my second favorite moment is Kylo shooting Luke to pieces. That looked like what a bad job performance review feels like.
5. Random question: Is BB-8 the Star Wars version of Scrappy Doo?
6. I have to (and I mean to HAVE TO) have the dress Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo (Laura Dern) was wearing! Yes, strong women! Yes, women in power! Yes, women! But when The Admiral appeared on screen I thought, “This chick is wearing my dress!” Nora Ephron (“I Feel Bad about My Neck”) would have loved it. No neck worries in this get up. Where oh where can I buy this dress? Or do I have to pull a Scarlet O’Hara: snatch some drapes down from the window and make it myself? The flaw in that plan is that I have blinds. That’s a different outfit entirely. Any seamstresses wanna take a crack at it? I need it for DragonCon 2018. (Front view of the dress: https://movieweb.com/star-wars-last-jedi-admiral-holdo-photo-details-laura-dern/ Killer back view: https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/592457a5dffe772993b30b3c/master/w_900,c_limit/star-wars-portfolio-06-2017-ss11.jpg
7. And so clearly this is not the last Jedi, so what will the next installment be? Honey I Shrunk the Jedi? Jedi vs Alien vs Predator? My money’s on Jedi Sharknado: May the Fish Be With You. (Which may also provide a neat cross over into the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series: So Long and Thanks for All the Jedi.)