That’s a thing and it basically means I can go from zero to catastrophe in under 10 seconds. I can find the worst in any situation. I can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I’m #TeamHennyPenny. (Hey, Haters: It’s 2020 and the sky really is falling. I warned you.) And yes, this is a terrible way to live for the people who live with people like me. I’m aware of this tendency and I’ve been working on it. But here’s what it looks like in action.
I went to the dermatologist today because there was mole that I didn’t quite like the look of.
She takes a look and says, “Oh, that’s a blah blah blah.”
I said, “A what?”
“A blah blah blah.”
“That sounds serious.”
“It’s not.” Then she whips out her iPad and starts showing me pictures of blah blah blah’s on Google. I think, “Eww, mine’s way cuter.”
She says, “Its nothing to worry about. I can remove it if you like.”
“Ahh. So when do I schedule the surgery?”
She said, “You don’t. I’ll do it right here in the office.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“So, I’m not dying?”
“But I already planned the funeral.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe just have a party instead?”
“It was going to be such a lovely service.”
“I’m sure it was.”
The procedure was quick and painless; and I’m pretty sure she didn’t implant a tracking chip in my neck because my co-pay doesn’t cover that.
Leighann Lord is a veteran stand-up comedian, author, and podcaster.