You start out at the kids’ table and then at some point you get promoted to the grown-ups’ table.
One year you're sitting in the back seat while your parents drive to Grandma's house; the next, you're driving yourself so you can dip out after dessert to go meet up with friends.
About My Avery Brooks Collector's Plate
I’m a big Star Trek Fan and Captain Benjamin Sisko from Star Trek Deep Space Nine is one of my favorite characters. I love that his name sounds like a drink you could order at the bar: “I’d like a Captain Sisko on the rocks, please.”
And just so we’re clear: If Avery Brooks – the actor who played Sisko – ever called and invited me out for say a raktajino (Klingon coffee), I’d say: “Aye Aye, Captain. See you at Quarks. [STAGE WHISPER] Wear the uniform.”
As I’m cleaning out my parent’s things, I’m also looking at my belongings with fresh eyes. I’m trying to figure out why I have something, what purpose it serves, and if I still need it.
To that end, why do I have an abacus? A what? An abacus. It’s been tucked away in an desk drawer for ages. I’m not really sure, but I probably got it from my dad or my uncle when I was a teenager. I don’t know how to use it. I have no interest in learning how.
When I posted a picture of my abacus on Facebook, I got some really great responses.
That’s a thing and it basically means I can go from zero to catastrophe in under 10 seconds. I can find the worst in any situation. I can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I’m #TeamHennyPenny. (Hey, Haters: It’s 2020 and the sky really is falling. I warned you.) And yes, this is a terrible way to live for the people who live with people like me. I’m aware of this tendency and I’ve been working on it. But here’s what it looks like in action.
It’s a second date and it’s not going well.
Despite attempts to engage in conversation, My Date interrupts me, several times, to tell me how much he likes me and likes hearing the sound of my voice. Ironic. When he’s not doing that, he’s asking me questions that have already been asked and answered.
He calls me, baby. Then asks if that makes me uncomfortable. For the third time — twice on the phone, once in person — I say yes, it does. I take intentional terms of endearment seriously. They are earned and exchanged over time. We’re not there yet. He continues doing it as if to convince me we are something we are not. It’s the second date.
So, My Therapist (and I do have one now) recommended the movie, Elizabethtown, she thought I’d resonate with the main character played by Orlando Bloom. I did not. And I learned that while she’s a cool person, we do not share the same taste in movies.
What struck me more was the screening I attended for Frozen 2, out this weekend. I’m not all-in on the Frozen franchise, but the theme and song that stuck with me was, “Do the next right thing.”
I’m here at the Medicaid Office. There is no coffee stand. No wine bar. No host. Well, there is a greeter of sorts but their job seems to consist of quite a bit of shouting, ordering people about, and copious amounts of stink eye. The customer experience is lacking a little something in the ambiance department. If they were aiming for a third world vibe, they’re killing it.
I saw a screening of Apollo 11: A Cinematic Event 50 Years in the Making.(Sequel to Apollo 10? Prequel to Apollo 13?) Here are my takeaways.
Wow! So. Much. SCIENCE! Even more MATH! (And nobody forgot to carry the one.)
Having a favorite pair of boots means I wear them all the time and it shows: skuff marks gah-lore. Sure I wipe them down and run a drug store shoe shine sponge over them but my puppies needed so much more.
I remembered seeing a shoe shine stand in Penn Station and made plans to stop in on my next train trip. As I walked in I was suddenly very aware that the place was full of men. Only men. The customers, the employees… All. Men. It gave me pause.
I’m confused. We live in a bully-boy, mean-girl society. Name calling is what we do now. Right?
Ad hominem attacks are all the rage. Literally. Crooked Hillary. Little Rocket Man. Apes. The N-word. Now, the C-word. It’s clear that the adults may have gone to college, but, when it comes to the basics of decorum, respect, and class, they’ve failed kindergarten. Sad.
Leighann Lord is a veteran stand-up comedian, author, and podcaster.