Saw something on your page, wanted to comment privately. Option on a line of yours: Screw with a server and they might expectorate in your food. Piss off a comic and they will definitely spit in your joke.
Substituting in screw and expectorate in the start saves the impact of piss and spit for the end. Or you could go with "Screw with a server..." - "Heckle a comic...."
Just wordsmithing on the fly, hope you don't mind.
(I also sent this message to you on Facebook)