I was more than a little surprised when The Dunkin Donuts Guy handed me back my bank card. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's been declined." I did that slow blink of surprise that morphed into embarrassment. "What?" I said, as I looked around at the other caffeine and sugar addicts hoping no one had overheard. Unlike my credit card, with which I have a love-hate-denial-did-I-say-hate relationship, my bank card is linked to my checking account. I keep a precise mental tally of my account balance that would make Ebenezer Scrooge say, "Damn Boo!"
I'm not a nice person when I fly. From curbside to baggage claim the entire travel experience has become so hostile towards passengers that it's every traveler for themselves. If you don't carve out your own slice of sanity, it will be taken away, screened, checked, charged extra for, and probably even lost without so much as an “I’m sorry.”
Suicide May be Painless but Writing the Note is Excruciating -
Don Cornelius, the creator and host of Soul Train, passed away recently. I say passed away because how he died depends on your point of view. To the general public he committed suicide. To the African-American community at large he did not. Acknowledging suicide challenges our misguided belief that black folks don’t get depressed, we just get angry. You put an “H” on your chest and just handle it, whatever it is. The slaves made it through without therapy right?
Twat Blocked Again
It’s been an eventful time for women in comedy. The New York Times broke the story that female comedians are not booked to perform on The Letterman Show in equal numbers to their male counterparts. You don’t say. Women in comedy not being treated fairly? Well gosh darn it stop the presses. This is not news to anyone with a vagina, but hats off to the New York Times for being in the vanguard of non-current events.
It’s one thing to break all bad ass and switch from a BlackBerry to an iPhone but when the deed is done the challenge becomes living with it. I'll admit there are things I miss about my BlackBerry, especially when travelling. But would I go back to it? No, and by no I mean Hells No, but it is an adjustment and sometimes I wish I had a little bit more guidance. Mac-acolytes treat iPhone ownership as an intuitive experience so in other words no manual.
1. BeyondScared Straight
2. Childhood in a Bag, A Not So Trivial Pursuit
3. Caramel Macchiato, Now with Extra TMI
4. Is ThatYour Real Hair?
5. What’s a Doggie Bag Between Strangers?
6. The Great Spanx Experiment
7. A BadBreak-Up: Email, A Love Story
8. Give Me One Reason to Stay Here
9. Dear American Airlines, You Suck! Again!
10. Scent of a Black Woman
In a stunning year-end move, comedian and tech nerd Leighann Lord has joined Team iPhone, effectively ending her more than decade-long relationship with Research in Motion’s BlackBerry. Whether it was the Pearl, the Curve or the BlackBerry Bold, all of her phones have been plagued with problems including random data deletions and frequent battery pulls. “I saw the spinning watch icon so often,” said Ms. Lord, “That I thought it was my wall paper.”
If I could I would live in a sterile, hermetically-sealed bubble decked out like an IKEA flagship store display. And then there's my car. It doesn’t rise to the level of the TV show “Hoarders,” but it’s somehow become a repository for boxes, comedy merchandise and umbrellas. None of this, however, explains the rancid odor that took up residence in my car last week. It smelled like a cranky toddler shat in my glove compartment.
Kudos if you’ve managed to already escape the office, if you haven’t please just stop pretending to do work. You’re not fooling anybody. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I sincerely thank you for reading, enjoying, commenting, and sharing my weekly humor blog. I hope it makes you shake your head, smile, laugh out loud, or all of the above.
They say you know you're getting older when you think the music is too loud. That's not true. I've always thought the music was too loud. When I was 18 years old and I went to my first nightclub, I was shocked by the stratospheric decibel levels. It felt as though the booming base was reverberating through my DNA. Between the tsunami of sound and the flashing lights I feared a stroke was imminent.